Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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