I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
