i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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