Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
