i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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