I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
