I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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