Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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