According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
