toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
