My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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