$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
