got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
