I heard we made out
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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