I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
