i don't like sucking hair
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
