The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
