i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
