In the future we'll all be gay
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
