Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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