No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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