last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
