Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
