In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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