Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
