So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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