He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
