So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
