drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
