You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
