I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
