She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
