Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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