would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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