dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
