saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
