and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
