New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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