This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
