btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
