I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
