I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
