we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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