I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
