I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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