I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So much Jack, so little girl.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
