thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
