My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
