I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
