I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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