I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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