I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
