I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
