I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
