I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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