i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
