but the lizard people decide everything anyway
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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