It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
