ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
