I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
